31 January 2012

I Swam Away to Watch You Drift

"Don't let yesterday use up too much of today."

I've had a lot of time to think and quite frankly, it's time for a change. The above quote really put things in perspective for me, and I'm not going to let yesterday make me sad today. Things are gonna be fine. When C left, I was so hurt and angry. After a few weeks, things started to look up. Now, it's probably one of the best decisions that had been made and I'm thankful. I've grown so much since then and I haven't really realized it until now. I'm secure with myself and who I am, I have my moments but for the most part I've started to become comfortable with myself, dare I say even like myself. As much as I've wanted to give up on SO much, I pushed forward and whether it worked or didn't, the feeling of trying made/makes me continue to have hope for something, for anything. So all I'm gonna do is keep going, and surround myself with people who want to love me. That and the newest Eisley album, The Valley, is seriously making me feel a ton better as lame as that sounds. I jam out at work and it keeps me from thinking. I really apologize for all the whiny posts, writing is such an outlet for me and I literally feel as if a giant weight is lifted off my chest once I finish my thoughts.

Tonight Ari and I went to Lowes to get samples of paint and lo and behold, my friend Trevor works there! He had me laughing when he told me he had never painted walls in his life, but talks about paint with people for six hours a day. LOL. So we got our colors, a seafoam/aqua and a deep purple. We got home and Ari was eating her dinner, I started to dye my hair. Red. Which I said I'd never do. Apparently I am serious about change, because I did it. When Ari saw it, she asked if she could have her hair red. I said, "no baby, your hair is beautiful." She proceeded to throw an awesome fit about that. Little A is going through a tattoo phase too, and it's awesome considering she want kitties and dinosaurs hahaha. Lovin' her always, she gets funnier by the day. And my hair ended up turning out pretty cool. My hair didn't pick up the color very well on the majority of it so you can barely tell, but where you can actually see it, it looks nice ha. I saw a really rad light pink dye at the store, and I'm seriously considering bleaching the underside of my hair in the back and putting the pink in. ;] Changes everywhere.

I've made no leeway with where I want to go on mini vaca. Yet, still exciting; And the more I look, the more time seems to be slowing down. UGH. That's what I get for having something to look forward to haha.

Starting to fall asleep so I'll end this here haha.


30 January 2012

Another broken promise tips the scale and it goes down.

I'm not going to have much time to write tonight, but I wanted to give ya'll a quick post-weekend update:

This weekend was just ridiculous. Because I decided to sleep all day on saturday, I woke up at 1230am and was ready for my day. One of my good friends and I drove around everywhere in Rhode Island searching for a breakfast place that was open at 530 in the morning, no such luck. Around 7am we finally stopped in Bellingham, MA. at 'the Breakfast Nook'. Ugh, so good. We laughed continuously over the fact that our saturday had yet to end, while the diner was piling up with folks bright-eyed from going to bed at 10 o'clock the night before.

Last night was one of the harder nights I've yet to have. Gabe and I have ended things, albeit not the way I wanted. We had plans for friday; I didn't hear from him until Sunday. I can't keep doing this to myself, hanging on for any shred of hope when I'm only going to be left disappointed once more. I think that's what I've come to dread in this situation; the feeling of disappointment. The ever-present knowing that hey, things may be good right now, but tomorrow they won't be. Tomorrow I'll be disappointed once again, just like the previous times that I've allowed this to happen. I keep telling myself that I want to be happy... but how can you be happy when you're giving up a part of your happiness? {And when I say happiness, I'm not sure if I mean happy, or comfort}. Gabe and I have always had something. Or maybe more likely, I've just always had something for him. I don't know how to explain, and I can't seem to escape it. I'm not entirely torn about it, because if he doesn't want to be with me, well that's the harsh reality and I'll learn to accept it in time. But, it still sucks. I miss all the laughing, cuddles and sweet goodbye kisses in the morning. Memories make this all the much harder.

Work is getting extremely busy! As we've been down a few people, breaks in the workflow are far and few between. I feel like I'm kind of getting stressed out, but it's really not my issue, so I just get in 'Work Mode'- Headphones on and blasted, Oreo cookies and Raspberry Arizona tea on deck, good to go.

I'm so excited to be getting tattooed again by Nate this wednesday! I love his work, and when I asked him to draw me up a teacup for my inner right arm, obviously I loved it. It's definitely me, and "there will be lots of purple" haha. Always a good time at McInnis.

Another thing I'm excited for: Mini vaca! I really need to start planning, but honestly I have no idea where to start. I'm looking for a quiet, bustling little town, with cute cafes and lots of bookstores, random odds and ends and scenery. Town, where are you?! I'm probably going to settle on Burlington, but I haven't completely abandoned the idea of upstate NY. I want to spend my entire weekend lounging with a book, strolling around, sipping coffee and wine, eating treats at family owned bakeries, enjoying the locals, things of that nature that nobody except moi finds fun haha. Hopefully I'll be able to do some real research and share it with ya'll soon. Only two weeks!

How this turned into a normal entry I'm not sure, but my real reason for posting is for this song.

I love Eisley, and when I heard this song I was immediately taken by it. Such raw lyrics, and it's speaking to my heart right now haha, making me feel a wittle bit better. Another good one: Smarter.


26 January 2012

How It Goes

Just when I think things could be okay, you go and prove me wrong again. Its just not happening, and I don't know why I can't give up.

25 January 2012

What's on my iPod v.5

This week I'm pretty excited haha. I absolutely love Circa Survive, specifically Anthony Green. I first saw them at the Worcester Palladium in 2005, obsessed ever since. Anywayyy, Anthony Greens newest solo album has recently come out, and it's so rad! Plenty different from the previous {you can tell he's off the drugs} but I'm posting my favorite three songs; give it a listen! And if you like it, buy Beautiful Things here. :]

{I also highly recommend 'Right Outside', 'When I'm on Pills' and 'I'll Love You No Matter What’}

I’ve also been listening to a lot of CANT as of late. CANT is a side project from Chris Taylor, the lead singer of Grizzly Bear. If you’re into floaty, melodic music, you’ll enjoy this.

{I’d also recommend the song ‘She Found a Way Out’}

I don’t know much about this band Capital Cities, but this song and the rest of their album is pretty neat.

Lykki Li! I love this girl. She’s a singer from Sweden, and all her music is just fresh.

{Recommending ‘Love Out of Lust’ and ‘Get Some’}

I’m seriously so in love with this song. Could listen to it on repeat (may or may not have already done that haha). Makes me think of someone… :]

The Perishers-Nothing Like You and I

The Honey Trees make some seriously wonderful music. Don’t write them off just because their name is a little strange! The lead singer sounds like a mix between Haley Williams from Paramore and Rilo Kiley with a more folk sound. Beautifulllll.

{Recommending ‘Finding Home’ and ‘Moon River Cover’- Breakfast at Tiffany’s is one of my favorite movies so I’m partial ;) }

And finally, We Are The Birdcage. This chick has a beautiful voice, and the lyrics to this song I’m sure everyone can relate to.

{Recommending ‘Two Left Feet’}

So that’s that! Enjoy xo

24 January 2012

Early Spring?

Today started quite normally, except for the fact that it was like 50 degrees out! Pretty rad, considering it's been soo cold. Of course I want more snow, but it was cool to wear only a sweatshirt to work in the middle of January and not freeze. I couldn't let work ruin the whole day so on lunch break I had an impromptu photo shoot with my GTI. :] I don't see the point of freezing my ass off to wash my car when the roads are just trash right now, so she's a little dirty, but they're decent. It was a fun half hour, but oh my poor moccasins... haha.

& I think I found the solution to my acne problem!


Valentine's Day... for the Singles

There is clearly a stigma when it comes to Valentine's day. If you don't have a significant other, you're a loser, nobody likes you, blah blah. What about those of us who are choosing to forgo a relationship, and instead enjoy being alone?

First off, Saint Valentine has no direct connection to the meaning of Valentine's day. Where the name of this so-called holiday comes from, nobody even knows. Although in Ancient Rome, February 13th to the 15th was what they called "Lupercalia", an archaic rite to fertility. Hmm.


On the other hand of the spectrum, some would like to call Valentines Day, Single Awareness Day (or..... SAD).

If you're not sad about it {or even if you are sad about it}, enjoy the next few articles :]

-5 benefits to being single on the 'holiday'

-Oh these crazy Psychology articles. You'll get a chuckle though

-Are you Quirkyalone? Take the quiz! I got "very quirky alone!" hahaha.

A few ideas on what to do on the day?

*If you don't have kids, head out for a drink with friends. I'd personally try to avoid the movie theaters, restaurants, malls... basically everywhere except a bar hahaha. Unless you're a cheap (read: awesome) date, there probably won't be any couples there. If you do have kids, well then you have a wonderful valentine right there!

*Go get a pedicure! This works whether you're male or female, and trust, I don't get sad if I see a guy with decent feet. Besides, who doesn't like to have their feet massaged in hot water? Ummm yeah.

*Have a girls or guys day. Valentines day is apparently about love, so go hang out with the friends you love the most :]

*Eat a lot of disgusting food! This is one of my favorites. Order Chinese or a huge Pastrami sandwich, get a big bottle of wine and a shitload of chocolate. Happy Valentines Day!

*Take all the money you would spend on someone else, and spend it on yourself. Been wanting a ridiculously expensive shirt you haven't been able to justifying buying? Well, if you had a boyfriend, you'd probably be spending $200 on a shitty watch. There's your justification!

*Take a trip somewhere! Unfortunately, V Day falls on a tuesday this year, so you're gonna have to make it a pre or post trip. Anywhere remote is just perfect, the less people the better! I'm in the process of planning mine now ;]

*And, if all else fails, flip the calendar to March and call it a month. By that point the month is half over, anyway.

23 January 2012

morning thoughts.

I wish things were easier to understand. Confusion is a main state of mind lately. This weekend definitely threw me for a loop and now I'm just feeling vulnerable. But it was different this time.. I did so much laughing! Sadly.... I know better than to think anything positive. Things were said that pretty much painted the picture of how I know things are. I can't be disappointed anymore, so at least I'm prepared. Felt good to have my guard down for a while though, it was a nice change. And I was warm, every night. :]


Sunday, sunday. Gabe and I woke up late again, thanks in part to the beer and margarita from the previous night haha. I really need to start remembering my camera! Started the morning with errands, Hava Java coffee and cleaning the car. It has been so cold outside, but I'll take it if it means more snow. So yeah, after the car wash we did a little more running around, went to Lowe's to get some sealer stuff and visit his friend Wes. Gabe and I did laundry at the laundrymat, and got takeout to have dinner with his mom.

During the excitement of yesterday, we dug my car out of the snow bank it was under and she started up! When it snows in Rhode Island, the city puts out a parking ban so the plows can plow the streets easily. My car wasn't running, parked on the street, I had no way to move it. Well, lucky for me, my car never got towed so I didn't have to deal with that! They just plowed all the snow next to it haha.

On another note, let me just say how good it feels to have this years taxes already filed and on the way. Hello, bills paid and car fixed! I'm thinking its about time I upgrade from my Blackberry to an iPhone too, honestly I'm just jealous I can't get an instagram app ;] but I must say it's nice to be able to get the entire blogger interface to show up on my blackberry so I don't have to turn my laptop on haha.

Seeing as its not yet 7am in the morning on a monday (UGH!), and I really have nothing else to ramble on about, I'm going to end this for now. Xo!

21 January 2012

Snow Day!

Rhode Island has really yet to see snow until this past week, and I must say I am beyond happy! On thursday we got around an inch, and that was better than nothing. Today, waking up to flakes and a white ground just set the morning off perfectly.

For now, I'll be out enjoying the snow!


Today was such a slow paced day, I loved it! {I'll save my reasons for this for a later date, but...} Gabe and I rolled out of bed pretty late this morning, hung around, cleaned up a bit and made a delicious big breakfast. We got dressed and headed to do a little running around. Driving around in the snow is so much fun! Gabe decided to go snowboarding with Rogaa, who could blame them, with all this fresh powder. My car is out of commission currently, so I'm home bound. Been organizing and cleaning, even ordered some Chinese food, yummyy. Ari is at her Mem & Babas for the night, surely having a blast with them and her Auntie V! As for me, I'll be taking advantage of a quiet house by doing the rest of the cleaning, and going out with Gabe for a drink when he gets back to the city :]

.Eggs.Bacon.Corned Beef Hash.Crepes with Blueberry Preserves.Bread.

Park Avenue, Woonsocket R.I.

Attempting organization

Enjoy the rest of your weekend! Xo~

19 January 2012

What's on my iPod v.4

Thursday edition because I'm a slacker!

Lately, I've been a little repetitive with my music choices. Can ya blame me?!

Bon Iver- Flume

Bon Iver- Creature Fear

I am so obsessed with Bon Iver. Like... I listen to them all the time, everyday. I start my mornings off with their cd. They are so good. I recommend any song by them, especially "For Emma", "I Can't Make You Love Me", "Towers" and "Holocene". Or, just buy the albums For Emma, Forever Ago and Bon Iver and be happy forever.

Walk the Moon- Anna Sun
I really don't know much about this band, but this song is so upbeat, can't help but sing along :]

Angus and Julia Stone- I'm Not Yours
Love this brother and sister duo. This song strikes a chord with me, and it's just one of those good songs you play when you're sad. Their other music is rad as well, so I'm recommending "Lonely Hands".


Harvard-An End Weight

Harvard is another band I've become obsessed with. I've listened to the song "On with Disease" for a while, but never anything else until recently. Unfortunately for me, because they are great. Kind of along the lines of Circa with the guitars, I can't even get enough. Recommend "French Girls", "What We Had", and "Deliverance".

The Stills-Retour a Vega
I looove French music. I used to rock out to the Logic Will Break Your Heart cd in high school whenever I'd go on "adventures", such a good Canadian band! Recommending "Yesterdays Never Tomorrows" and "Of Montreal".

Foster the People-Waste
Such a catchy song haha, this band is new to me thanks to my brother in law Ryans obsession with the song "Pumped Up Kicks", which is what my recommendation is because that's a really good song too.

Lydia-Stay Awake

Lydia-Best Nights

Aaaaand, finally, Lydia. Well worth the listen, both albums - Illuminate and Paint It Golden. They're so relatable, I love them.

Enjoy :]

18 January 2012

What Might Have Been Lost {a rant of sorts}

It's a new year, yet I don't feel any different at all. For 2012, I decided I was going to skip out on the forthcoming guilt of making resolutions and then shortly bailing on them. Working well so far! Although, things have become quite different around here in such a small amount of time.

I'm truly not one to talk about private business to anybody {including family} and especially strangers; I'm a fairly private person. However... this is not that time.

Gabe and I are no longer seeing each other. Not "broken up", because we were never really together in the first place. I won't lie and say I'm not hurt. I am.... But maybe for different reasons other than just calling it quits. I was sick of the constant games. Everyday it was something different. "I want to be with you", "I'm confused","I don't know what I want". For five months. Five months I listened the "I'm sorry"s because where he was making it to my house during the week by 9 oclock... this now turned in to 11, sometimes 12 at night. Text or phone call, what's that? And weekends? See ya lata. We hadn't been together on a weekend in about a month. I was lucky if I got to see him on Sunday night.... yeah. Oh we'd make plans though! Sadly, he never found the time to follow through with them. Or even better, the "I'm almost to your house" text and never show up, or answer the texts I sent. Still, I put up with it, he was worth it to me. Eventually, I stopped even seeing him at night. Well, alright then. We talked, tried to make it better, tried to fix whatever had gone wrong. Which brings us to this past sunday. He finally found time for me; we went for a ride. We talked.... not really. It was an awkward silence, I felt sick the entire time. So we decided it wasn't working, and that was that. Okay, clean break. I was alright. He comes over..... then leaves. Fine, even though my bed is so cold when he's gone. I text him a few times.... no response. Monday, had so much to say, but to save myself the trouble I blocked his phone number. It snowed that night.... He messaged me. I was going to ignore it... of course I couldn't. We started to talk again... he told me how much he was willing to make this work, i miss you, I want to be with you, blah blah blah. So, being me, I let him come over last night. We spend the night together, and it was nice. But I knew how I would feel in the morning; his eyes were saying everything he wasn't. I was wide awake at 5am. This morning, he leaves early.. I cry, because I know. I know that today will be a different story, today he's not going to be singing the same tune as yesterday. And once again, I am right. Today, he's not ready for a relationship, he doesn't know what he wants, he's confused. For months I've done this, for absolutely no reason other than the thought that him and I were going to be a "we". Five months may not seem long at all, in fact it seems even relatively short to me, but every day going back and forth is exhausting. As for me, I was steady in what I wanted all along. I trusted him, I tried my best, but the ball wasn't in my court anymore. Makes me feel a little bit better, at least. It wasn't all bad though.. :[

Anyway, besides my tumultuous love life {could you even call it that?}, things are moving right along. Ari is amazing, she basically knows everything. She's so sweet and personable, not to mention hilarious. I have to get a video of the way she speaks like Forrest Gump when he says "Jennay". haha she sounds just like him.

I turned 21 on the 27th of December, and while I didn't get wasted, I was so excited to finally be able to go to my first bar haha. It's convenient being 21, but I'm not happy that now it's only downhill from here the higher the numbers climb!

Work is going well, I'm still extremely happy at my job. My coworkers are seriously awesome, and it's a good environment to be in.

Christmas with my family was just amazing. We spent every day together, and Ari loved having her auntie A, uncles Ry and Nick, and Mem Weas home! I miss them all so much, but we had a wonderful time together. So many great memories to remember. <3

To end this mostly depressing post, here are some pictures that made me smile :]

Can't even tell you how many cheese fries I consumed over Christmas

crazy brother

sexy and he knows it

Dinner at Friendly's

Best friends

touching the bird

Ari thought she was blowing them out because they were blinking haha

brand new Minnetonka moccasins, thifted. $8

teacups in the morning light

those crazy clouds!

♥ she sleeps sooo late!