28 October 2012

Pumpkin Patches and Indian Summers

A couple of weeks ago, my family went to Schartner's Farm in Scituate for a nice day outdoors, enjoying the autumn weather. Lucky for us, the weather was gorgeous! We ate yummy grilled food and hand cut french fries, went on a hayride, found our way through a corn maze and lolled around in the soft grass drinking locally produced root beers. Schartner's Farm also has an on-site mini grocery store (housed in a big old farm stand) selling their fresh produce, local milk, cheese, honey- even coffee syrup and other Rhode Island-esque treats. We all agreed it was a perfect, even relaxing day. Ari has so much fun, running in and out of the corn stalks and eating raw yellow peppers from the stand.

There's just something about autumn in New England that's so special.

Ari enjoyed the hay ride, even though she was a little nervous

Covered wagon shenanigans with her Baba

Ari is already quite the actress.... I can't stop laughing at this photo haha

{my dad's shirt.... hahaha yeah}

{All of this corn is for the farm animals}

Ari was obsessed with this fake horse haha she did not want to get down

{The only photo I had taken from the following day at Scituate Art Festival- Ari manges on Gabe's corn on the cob. The weather was less than pleasant and I didn't want to risk my camera getting wet.}

I hope all my East Coasters stay safe and hunker down during this storm; we are fully prepared with food, alcohol, candles and books! Aren't those the essentials? ;) xo

22 October 2012

Thoughtless thinking

It's hard to articulate when I have so many things I could say. Recently, life has been all 'go through the motions'.. I can't say I'm hating it. When you're at the breaking point with too many emotions, automatic numbing does wonders.

I'm not great at writing about my own personal feelings. I'd rather believe I don't even have any, however, I just feel so full lately. Constantly full of happiness, sadness, anxiety, whatever. It's just been hitting me like a truck.

Ari's about to be three years old and I wonder to myself everyday if I am good enough. Seeing the potential and the love for life my child has, I hope I'm doing well enough to where she is going to succeed in life and feel that she IS good enough, in everything she does and for anyone she meets. I know a good role model is so important, but it's very difficult to convey these positive messages to her when I vilify myself at any chance I get.

I keep writing and erasing this line... but, I've been feeling like I'm missing something. I'm not dwelling on it by any means, but little reminders seem to keep shouting at me, "YOU'RE ALONE NOW". Random thoughts popping into my head, "It will never feel the same with anyone else". And I don't want it to.

Life has been good, though. I tend to write when I'm upset, but I can't forget that this is a blog of beautiful things, and my life is one of them. Things may seem monotonous, and dark, but there's beauty. Books and an empty cup sitting on a recently acquired vintage chair, courtesy of my beautiful, intelligent girl. The way the dimming sunlight shines through my living room window and casts a beautiful glow on my orange walls. The gorgeous weather New England has fortunately been having. My awesome, awesome friends; without you, I would be a miserable, homebody wreck. The mounds of clothes littering my room, because I have too much (grateful!) and am way too indecisive and messy to put it all back neatly. My wonderful family... thankful for every one of you.


18 October 2012

You Could Be Happy ......

You could be happy and I won't know
But you weren't happy the day I watched you go

And all the things that I wished I had not said
Are played in loops 'till it's madness in my head

Is it too late to remind you how we were
But not our last days of silence, screaming, blur

Most of what I remember makes me sure
I should have stopped you from walking out the door

You could be happy, I hope you are
You made me happier than I'd been by far

Somehow everything I own smells of you
And for the tiniest moment it's all not true

Do the things that you always wanted to
Without me there to hold you back, don't think, just do

More than anything I want to see you
Take a glorious bite out of the whole world

Oh the irony...

I find it quite ironic how, for the last time, we're over. And when I walked in to my kitchen last night from finding the key in the mailbox, my microwave was flashing "end". I maybe even laughed a little...