30 January 2012

Another broken promise tips the scale and it goes down.

I'm not going to have much time to write tonight, but I wanted to give ya'll a quick post-weekend update:

This weekend was just ridiculous. Because I decided to sleep all day on saturday, I woke up at 1230am and was ready for my day. One of my good friends and I drove around everywhere in Rhode Island searching for a breakfast place that was open at 530 in the morning, no such luck. Around 7am we finally stopped in Bellingham, MA. at 'the Breakfast Nook'. Ugh, so good. We laughed continuously over the fact that our saturday had yet to end, while the diner was piling up with folks bright-eyed from going to bed at 10 o'clock the night before.

Last night was one of the harder nights I've yet to have. Gabe and I have ended things, albeit not the way I wanted. We had plans for friday; I didn't hear from him until Sunday. I can't keep doing this to myself, hanging on for any shred of hope when I'm only going to be left disappointed once more. I think that's what I've come to dread in this situation; the feeling of disappointment. The ever-present knowing that hey, things may be good right now, but tomorrow they won't be. Tomorrow I'll be disappointed once again, just like the previous times that I've allowed this to happen. I keep telling myself that I want to be happy... but how can you be happy when you're giving up a part of your happiness? {And when I say happiness, I'm not sure if I mean happy, or comfort}. Gabe and I have always had something. Or maybe more likely, I've just always had something for him. I don't know how to explain, and I can't seem to escape it. I'm not entirely torn about it, because if he doesn't want to be with me, well that's the harsh reality and I'll learn to accept it in time. But, it still sucks. I miss all the laughing, cuddles and sweet goodbye kisses in the morning. Memories make this all the much harder.

Work is getting extremely busy! As we've been down a few people, breaks in the workflow are far and few between. I feel like I'm kind of getting stressed out, but it's really not my issue, so I just get in 'Work Mode'- Headphones on and blasted, Oreo cookies and Raspberry Arizona tea on deck, good to go.

I'm so excited to be getting tattooed again by Nate this wednesday! I love his work, and when I asked him to draw me up a teacup for my inner right arm, obviously I loved it. It's definitely me, and "there will be lots of purple" haha. Always a good time at McInnis.

Another thing I'm excited for: Mini vaca! I really need to start planning, but honestly I have no idea where to start. I'm looking for a quiet, bustling little town, with cute cafes and lots of bookstores, random odds and ends and scenery. Town, where are you?! I'm probably going to settle on Burlington, but I haven't completely abandoned the idea of upstate NY. I want to spend my entire weekend lounging with a book, strolling around, sipping coffee and wine, eating treats at family owned bakeries, enjoying the locals, things of that nature that nobody except moi finds fun haha. Hopefully I'll be able to do some real research and share it with ya'll soon. Only two weeks!

How this turned into a normal entry I'm not sure, but my real reason for posting is for this song.

I love Eisley, and when I heard this song I was immediately taken by it. Such raw lyrics, and it's speaking to my heart right now haha, making me feel a wittle bit better. Another good one: Smarter.



Anonymous said...

i miss you so much

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