Random Relationship Ramblings...

Aah... It drives me completely crazy to read entries from this past year, and see how embarrassingly blind I was toward my relationship situation. Like, really girl? The signs were all there from the beginning, and then some. I allowed myself to be treated like less of a person.. as if my feelings and thoughts didn't measure up, and therefore didn't matter. I accepted it, and once I did, everything started to crumble.

I made mistakes. I gave up a lot for this person. Friendships, a somewhat relationship, time, etc. And I can honestly, positively say it wasn't a waste. I've learned SO much. I've come to terms with everything on my own time, and I feel lighter. I feel happy. Sure, being alone is hard, but now that I'm where I am, I'd rather be alone and happy than miserable and together. {Can I even really say I'm 'alone'?}

The most important things I've learned:

1. Make time for YOU. Sure, you may want spend all your time with your lover and that's great, but don't do it. Go out with your friends, read a book, take a drive- whatever. Just make sure you have solo time. It's seriously important to your psyche and relationship.


2. Don't be second best. If a guy doesn't know what he wants/needs more time/has a lot going on... just leave it. 99% of the time it's just fuckery, and he wants you without having to totally commit. Again, don't do it. If someone wants to be with you, they'll make it happen!


3. Liars lie. Fact. If they lie about something that doesn't even matter in the big scheme of things, run. Don't even walk. Dealing with liars is a world full of pain, especially if you've been faithful and honest. You'll try to convince yourself that you're just in your own head... YOU'RE NOT. Don't let sweet talking fool you, either. Sure he's sorry and he loves you "so much", but if there are no actions to the words, throw the fish back into the ocean and don't think twice.


4. Take a step back. I am hypersensitive to most social/romantic situations, and when I'm going through emotions, especially stress related, it's really hard for me to just think. I'm often very irrational, and that tends to make things worse. Remove yourself from the situation for as long as you need to get your mind back to a relaxed state, whether it be hours or weeks. It's not easy, but it's necessary. Give yourself time to just be. You'll feel much better heading back into the situation {if you so choose!} if you have a calm heart and a clear head. {I will do a post on hypersensitivity one of these days, because of how misunderstood it is.}


5. I write hate lists. This may be totally immature, but whatever. It works. I basically write down about the offending party every shitty quality they have and situations where they've fucked me over. Get sad? Trying to justify things in your mind? Refer to your hate list. Instant reality! {I only pull this out for the tough/big deal situations haha. Friends need not worry!}


6. Let it go. When it's over, don't dwell. You'll hold yourself back for longer. As much as you may want to know WHY, let it be. It's over, that's all that matters. Turn your focus from your "non-existent at this point" relationship to what makes you happy, and things will significantly get better. Surround yourself with friends, do everything you wanted to do without hesitation. It's all about rebuilding yourself into a stronger, wiser entity.


7. Don't let it ruin you. Just because one douchebag lies to you and treats you like shit, doesn't mean everyone will. There are amazing people in the world- 7 billion of them! A quote that's been sticking with me- "Don't waste energy on situations you CAN'T control. It is out of your hands. Focus on the ones you can". Truly brilliant. Everyone is different, and eventually your different will find someone elses different and make you feel complete. Don't count yourself out!


I think what has made it easier for me this time around is, I know I tried, and instead of feeling shitty + unloved, I feel proud of myself. I'm loving myself right now, and that is an amazing thing. I've been waiting a long time for this.  Now this is farewell, to what was and what could have been. I'm open for the future and I am not scared, but optimistic about what great things lay ahead.


xo





{disclaimer: this is only what I went through in my personal experience. everybody's different.}