19 December 2011

life happens.

Well, I tried to keep up with my features.... haha. I am just barely on my computer anymore. There's always one more thing that ends up coming in between blogging. By the time I sit down and get around to it, I'm too tired to go through photos or write how I'm feeling, what I've been up to. Lately, things have just been outta control.

First, I'm going to be 21 in a week! Uhhhh yeah. So wish I was turning 18 again.

Second, Juniper broke her leg a week ago. She fell out of the window again... :[ She's doing okay now, but that's not a story I really want to get into.

Third..... me, alone. Again. It's bothering me, but I'll be fine. I am fine. It's just ironic, first time letting my guard down to feel something just to be sitting here now, not wanting to feel anything at all. I guess I'm just disappointed. In myself for thinking this could be something good; in him for letting him string me along. I hung out with one of my good friends on sunday, and he told me, "Well that's your problem right there. You're not supposed to trust people." Hmph. Why had I forgotten that? I just need to keep myself occupied, and from the abundance of time I've spent lately with people I love, that won't be a problem. I always forget that I'm actually worth something, so putting myself on the back burner for someone else is no bueno. *sigh. I keep telling myself this is nothing, we weren't even really together.........

Christmas, in a week. I have been the grinch this year. My house is not decorated, no tree, nothing. I feel like one of those self-absorbed, weird moms you read about in books or something. Ari will be with C until midday Christmas, because I had her on Thanksgiving. That alone makes me sad. There's been no snow, nothing. I am just not into it this year.

I can't wait for the New Year. Out with the old, in with the new. What a perfect time for all this bullshit to happen, because once it hits midnight on the 31st, 2011 will be just another chapter in the book. That door is closing for good, and with it bad relationships, friendships and idiotic worries. I'm ready for a new chapter to start...


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