Hmm.. The end of a blog.

So it's been over a month since I've last posted. I think it's safe to say I'm going to be on hiatus for an undetermined amount of time. I can't keep up with life and blogging simultaneously, especially with the editing of photos and whatever else that comes with having a blog. It's been more of a hassle than a release, and that's how I know it's time to take a break. I have been doing a lot more personal writing (on paper), and that's been a nice change. I'm going through a time in my life where maybe I have been sharing too much, and now is the time to keep things closer to myself than with the rest of the world. Things have happened and I don't feel as comfortable as I once did sharing the details of day to day activities. Not only that, but things haven't exactly been a dream to blog about either. Ill pop into the blog periodically and post when I feel the need. I'm considering starting up my photography side work again; I can be reached by email for inquiries regarding anything- Sparkleee@msn.com. I still have a Facebook, and also have an Instagram you can follow along with: Shaynaav. I'm kind of sad to be doing this, but who knows, I could get a stroke of genius in a month or two and turn this blog into exactly how I've imagined it, complete with timely updates haha.

Thank you to everyone who's ever read this blog, it was a truly interesting 2 years of writing. I've grown a lot in many ways and appreciate all of you who's stopped by to get a peak into my and Ari's life. Xoxoxoxo

It's the little things.

I'm trying to get everything organized to get this blog going the right way for 2013, so stay tuned! Thanksgiving photos coming soon (albeit a little late) haha hang in there guys! Xoxoxo

November is the best.

I truly believe November has become my lucky month. I haven't been slacking on purpose, I swear. Let me explain in brief, considering I have massive amounts of photos to share!

Thanksgiving was going to be a typical holiday. My parents wanted to celebrate on the following sunday, so instead of the traditional feast we had a roast, among many other yummy foods. All of us were just hanging in the living room, when I heard a loud truck. Not thinking anything of it, I assumed it was some type of delivery driver. My sister Veronica screamed and ran outside- I look quizzically at my mom, thinking she was just getting a package or something. Until she said, "go outside and see your sister". I stand there, perplexed for a minute, still not grasping the situation. She said it again, "go out, and see your sister!" and then it hit me. ALY AND RYAN WERE HOME. I immediately starting bawling my eyes out and walked outside to see my very pregnant little sister and my brother in law. I probably didn't let go of her for five minutes, sobbing uncontrollably for whatever reason. I had missed them so much. Ari was so excited to see her aunt and uncle! The past few days in my house has been all about "auntie Aly and baby Maia". :D It makes me so happy to have my sister close to me again. The best holiday ever.


Friday, was my babys third birthday! Where has the time gone? I could be one of those mothers, sentimental that Ari is no longer a baby, but that's not me. I'm happy she's growing- growing into an amazing, intelligent, sweet and beautiful girl. She's so witty and says things I would have never thought her to understand at this age. She loves animals so much, especially kittens. Reading books and playing dress up are her favorite things. She always wants to be the princess, and at home, she definitely is. We've been dealing with temper tantrums lately- big blowouts that end up with me taking a time-out in my room (instead of her!) because I can't take the screaming, and because usually, she's upset over absolutely nothing. I pray this isn't what the teenage years are going to be like...

I also, somewhat warily, upgraded from a blackberry to an iPhone. I definitely do not regret it. I'm actually writing right now from the blogger app because my Internet is out right now lol. But yeah, I'm totally addicted. My favorite apps so far are obviously Instagram (shaynaav), cinemagram, and foodspotting. Okcupid is pretty fun if you're not serious haha.

So I've pretty much just been laying low, I'm hoping to get some photos edited and up this weekend. Now that I know I can do everything with this phone, expect more frequent updates until I find a new service provider.

Xoxo

On: Being Busy!

It's been all "go, go, go" and not enough time to slow down. My fatigue finally gave way and I've been trying to get in as much as possible before it surely returns.

On friday, a wonderful friend took my car while I was at work, left me his, and I arrived at his house to mine working perfectly! I am so thrilled I'm not going to have to sell the Volkswagen. We have been through a lot, that car and I. Most major decisions of my life, too. Up and down the entire East Coast, Maine to Florida. I'm getting all sentimental now, but really, the GTI has been hangin' in there with me better than any guy I've ever dated ;]


This weekend was a good one! Of course spent with great friends, having some drinks in Providence and lots of laughs. I've been having the best mornings too, it's so nice.


Monday night, Ari was with her dad, so I headed to Providence once more. My friend Paul and I decided to meet up for drinks and to see a French film at the Cable Car Cinema, a small little theater downtown. We went to Centro to visit one of our friends, and then headed to the XO Cafe, the cutest little place. If you're looking for somewhere to go for drinks, and want an intimate but somewhat vintage experience, definitely try that place out. They even serve complimentary homemade potato crisps- amazing! After finishing our drinks {Whiskey + Amaretto Sours = love} we headed down the street to the film. Holy Motors is a film apparently about a man travelling through different lives. It was in French, and although with subtitles, very easy to follow. The plot was a lot more confusing. If you can view this film, do it! You will not be disappointed. When it finished, we of course stopped at Muldowney's and for a monday night, it was surprisingly packed. I didn't stay too long, but overall it was an awesome night!


I've been going wild at home- cleaning everything I can, organizing, whatever I can do before I burn myself out. Last night alone, I did mostly all of the dishes, seven loads of laundry, brought to the recycling about a months worth of cardboard and bottles. I'm feeling accomplished and it's a nice change, haha.


Tomorrow is Thanksgiving! It came so fast. I can't say I'm a big fan of the holidays... too many people crammed together making small talk, is not really something I enjoy. I am, however, looking forward to having the day off and spending my morning with Ari, as they are few and far between. I can't wait to let her wake up on her own time and cook her breakfast! We're doing something small this year, as things have been kind of hectic in my immediate family. Friday is the real special day, though- A will be three years old! Time has flown, and it makes me so sad; I miss baby Ari. At the same time, it's an amazing thing to see what an awesome little girl she is and is turning out to be.

Tonight, Lorena and I are taking our little girls bowling- Ari's first time! It's going to be the cutest thing to see. Photo update soon!


OH, and I am still committed to NaBloPoMo, I just needed a tiny vaca, haha.


Xoxo

You are terrifying, and strange, and beautiful....

you are a horse running alone
and he tries to tame you
compares you to an impossible highway
to a burning house
says you are blinding him
that he could never leave you
forget you
want anything but you
you dizzy him, you are unbearable
every woman before or after you
is doused in your name
you fill his mouth
his teeth ache with memory of taste
his body just a long shadow seeking yours
but you are always too intense
frightening in the way you want him
unashamed and sacrificial
he tells you that no man can live up to the one
who lives in your head
and you tried to change didn't you?
closed your mouth more
tried to be softer
prettier
less volatile, less awake
but even when sleeping you could feel
him travelling away from you in his dreams
so what did you want to do love
split his head open?
you can't make homes out of human beings
someone should have already told you that
and if he wants to leave
then let him leave
you are terrifying
and strange and beautiful
something not everyone knows how to love.

{via Warsan in Wonderland}

Random Relationship Ramblings...

Aah... It drives me completely crazy to read entries from this past year, and see how embarrassingly blind I was toward my relationship situation. Like, really girl? The signs were all there from the beginning, and then some. I allowed myself to be treated like less of a person.. as if my feelings and thoughts didn't measure up, and therefore didn't matter. I accepted it, and once I did, everything started to crumble.

I made mistakes. I gave up a lot for this person. Friendships, a somewhat relationship, time, etc. And I can honestly, positively say it wasn't a waste. I've learned SO much. I've come to terms with everything on my own time, and I feel lighter. I feel happy. Sure, being alone is hard, but now that I'm where I am, I'd rather be alone and happy than miserable and together. {Can I even really say I'm 'alone'?}

The most important things I've learned:

1. Make time for YOU. Sure, you may want spend all your time with your lover and that's great, but don't do it. Go out with your friends, read a book, take a drive- whatever. Just make sure you have solo time. It's seriously important to your psyche and relationship.


2. Don't be second best. If a guy doesn't know what he wants/needs more time/has a lot going on... just leave it. 99% of the time it's just fuckery, and he wants you without having to totally commit. Again, don't do it. If someone wants to be with you, they'll make it happen!


3. Liars lie. Fact. If they lie about something that doesn't even matter in the big scheme of things, run. Don't even walk. Dealing with liars is a world full of pain, especially if you've been faithful and honest. You'll try to convince yourself that you're just in your own head... YOU'RE NOT. Don't let sweet talking fool you, either. Sure he's sorry and he loves you "so much", but if there are no actions to the words, throw the fish back into the ocean and don't think twice.


4. Take a step back. I am hypersensitive to most social/romantic situations, and when I'm going through emotions, especially stress related, it's really hard for me to just think. I'm often very irrational, and that tends to make things worse. Remove yourself from the situation for as long as you need to get your mind back to a relaxed state, whether it be hours or weeks. It's not easy, but it's necessary. Give yourself time to just be. You'll feel much better heading back into the situation {if you so choose!} if you have a calm heart and a clear head. {I will do a post on hypersensitivity one of these days, because of how misunderstood it is.}


5. I write hate lists. This may be totally immature, but whatever. It works. I basically write down about the offending party every shitty quality they have and situations where they've fucked me over. Get sad? Trying to justify things in your mind? Refer to your hate list. Instant reality! {I only pull this out for the tough/big deal situations haha. Friends need not worry!}


6. Let it go. When it's over, don't dwell. You'll hold yourself back for longer. As much as you may want to know WHY, let it be. It's over, that's all that matters. Turn your focus from your "non-existent at this point" relationship to what makes you happy, and things will significantly get better. Surround yourself with friends, do everything you wanted to do without hesitation. It's all about rebuilding yourself into a stronger, wiser entity.


7. Don't let it ruin you. Just because one douchebag lies to you and treats you like shit, doesn't mean everyone will. There are amazing people in the world- 7 billion of them! A quote that's been sticking with me- "Don't waste energy on situations you CAN'T control. It is out of your hands. Focus on the ones you can". Truly brilliant. Everyone is different, and eventually your different will find someone elses different and make you feel complete. Don't count yourself out!


I think what has made it easier for me this time around is, I know I tried, and instead of feeling shitty + unloved, I feel proud of myself. I'm loving myself right now, and that is an amazing thing. I've been waiting a long time for this.  Now this is farewell, to what was and what could have been. I'm open for the future and I am not scared, but optimistic about what great things lay ahead.


xo





{disclaimer: this is only what I went through in my personal experience. everybody's different.}