I Swam Away to Watch You Drift

"Don't let yesterday use up too much of today."


I've had a lot of time to think and quite frankly, it's time for a change. The above quote really put things in perspective for me, and I'm not going to let yesterday make me sad today. Things are gonna be fine. When C left, I was so hurt and angry. After a few weeks, things started to look up. Now, it's probably one of the best decisions that had been made and I'm thankful. I've grown so much since then and I haven't really realized it until now. I'm secure with myself and who I am, I have my moments but for the most part I've started to become comfortable with myself, dare I say even like myself. As much as I've wanted to give up on SO much, I pushed forward and whether it worked or didn't, the feeling of trying made/makes me continue to have hope for something, for anything. So all I'm gonna do is keep going, and surround myself with people who want to love me. That and the newest Eisley album, The Valley, is seriously making me feel a ton better as lame as that sounds. I jam out at work and it keeps me from thinking. I really apologize for all the whiny posts, writing is such an outlet for me and I literally feel as if a giant weight is lifted off my chest once I finish my thoughts.

Tonight Ari and I went to Lowes to get samples of paint and lo and behold, my friend Trevor works there! He had me laughing when he told me he had never painted walls in his life, but talks about paint with people for six hours a day. LOL. So we got our colors, a seafoam/aqua and a deep purple. We got home and Ari was eating her dinner, I started to dye my hair. Red. Which I said I'd never do. Apparently I am serious about change, because I did it. When Ari saw it, she asked if she could have her hair red. I said, "no baby, your hair is beautiful." She proceeded to throw an awesome fit about that. Little A is going through a tattoo phase too, and it's awesome considering she want kitties and dinosaurs hahaha. Lovin' her always, she gets funnier by the day. And my hair ended up turning out pretty cool. My hair didn't pick up the color very well on the majority of it so you can barely tell, but where you can actually see it, it looks nice ha. I saw a really rad light pink dye at the store, and I'm seriously considering bleaching the underside of my hair in the back and putting the pink in. ;] Changes everywhere.


I've made no leeway with where I want to go on mini vaca. Yet, still exciting; And the more I look, the more time seems to be slowing down. UGH. That's what I get for having something to look forward to haha.

Starting to fall asleep so I'll end this here haha.

Xo!

Another broken promise tips the scale and it goes down.

I'm not going to have much time to write tonight, but I wanted to give ya'll a quick post-weekend update:

This weekend was just ridiculous. Because I decided to sleep all day on saturday, I woke up at 1230am and was ready for my day. One of my good friends and I drove around everywhere in Rhode Island searching for a breakfast place that was open at 530 in the morning, no such luck. Around 7am we finally stopped in Bellingham, MA. at 'the Breakfast Nook'. Ugh, so good. We laughed continuously over the fact that our saturday had yet to end, while the diner was piling up with folks bright-eyed from going to bed at 10 o'clock the night before.

Last night was one of the harder nights I've yet to have. Gabe and I have ended things, albeit not the way I wanted. We had plans for friday; I didn't hear from him until Sunday. I can't keep doing this to myself, hanging on for any shred of hope when I'm only going to be left disappointed once more. I think that's what I've come to dread in this situation; the feeling of disappointment. The ever-present knowing that hey, things may be good right now, but tomorrow they won't be. Tomorrow I'll be disappointed once again, just like the previous times that I've allowed this to happen. I keep telling myself that I want to be happy... but how can you be happy when you're giving up a part of your happiness? {And when I say happiness, I'm not sure if I mean happy, or comfort}. Gabe and I have always had something. Or maybe more likely, I've just always had something for him. I don't know how to explain, and I can't seem to escape it. I'm not entirely torn about it, because if he doesn't want to be with me, well that's the harsh reality and I'll learn to accept it in time. But, it still sucks. I miss all the laughing, cuddles and sweet goodbye kisses in the morning. Memories make this all the much harder.

Work is getting extremely busy! As we've been down a few people, breaks in the workflow are far and few between. I feel like I'm kind of getting stressed out, but it's really not my issue, so I just get in 'Work Mode'- Headphones on and blasted, Oreo cookies and Raspberry Arizona tea on deck, good to go.

I'm so excited to be getting tattooed again by Nate this wednesday! I love his work, and when I asked him to draw me up a teacup for my inner right arm, obviously I loved it. It's definitely me, and "there will be lots of purple" haha. Always a good time at McInnis.

Another thing I'm excited for: Mini vaca! I really need to start planning, but honestly I have no idea where to start. I'm looking for a quiet, bustling little town, with cute cafes and lots of bookstores, random odds and ends and scenery. Town, where are you?! I'm probably going to settle on Burlington, but I haven't completely abandoned the idea of upstate NY. I want to spend my entire weekend lounging with a book, strolling around, sipping coffee and wine, eating treats at family owned bakeries, enjoying the locals, things of that nature that nobody except moi finds fun haha. Hopefully I'll be able to do some real research and share it with ya'll soon. Only two weeks!


How this turned into a normal entry I'm not sure, but my real reason for posting is for this song.


I love Eisley, and when I heard this song I was immediately taken by it. Such raw lyrics, and it's speaking to my heart right now haha, making me feel a wittle bit better. Another good one: Smarter.


Xo!

How It Goes

Just when I think things could be okay, you go and prove me wrong again. Its just not happening, and I don't know why I can't give up.

What's on my iPod v.5

This week I'm pretty excited haha. I absolutely love Circa Survive, specifically Anthony Green. I first saw them at the Worcester Palladium in 2005, obsessed ever since. Anywayyy, Anthony Greens newest solo album has recently come out, and it's so rad! Plenty different from the previous {you can tell he's off the drugs} but I'm posting my favorite three songs; give it a listen! And if you like it, buy Beautiful Things here. :]






{I also highly recommend 'Right Outside', 'When I'm on Pills' and 'I'll Love You No Matter What’}


I’ve also been listening to a lot of CANT as of late. CANT is a side project from Chris Taylor, the lead singer of Grizzly Bear. If you’re into floaty, melodic music, you’ll enjoy this.




{I’d also recommend the song ‘She Found a Way Out’}


I don’t know much about this band Capital Cities, but this song and the rest of their album is pretty neat.



Lykki Li! I love this girl. She’s a singer from Sweden, and all her music is just fresh.

{Recommending ‘Love Out of Lust’ and ‘Get Some’}


I’m seriously so in love with this song. Could listen to it on repeat (may or may not have already done that haha). Makes me think of someone… :]

The Perishers-Nothing Like You and I


The Honey Trees make some seriously wonderful music. Don’t write them off just because their name is a little strange! The lead singer sounds like a mix between Haley Williams from Paramore and Rilo Kiley with a more folk sound. Beautifulllll.

{Recommending ‘Finding Home’ and ‘Moon River Cover’- Breakfast at Tiffany’s is one of my favorite movies so I’m partial ;) }


And finally, We Are The Birdcage. This chick has a beautiful voice, and the lyrics to this song I’m sure everyone can relate to.

{Recommending ‘Two Left Feet’}

So that’s that! Enjoy xo

Early Spring?

Today started quite normally, except for the fact that it was like 50 degrees out! Pretty rad, considering it's been soo cold. Of course I want more snow, but it was cool to wear only a sweatshirt to work in the middle of January and not freeze. I couldn't let work ruin the whole day so on lunch break I had an impromptu photo shoot with my GTI. :] I don't see the point of freezing my ass off to wash my car when the roads are just trash right now, so she's a little dirty, but they're decent. It was a fun half hour, but oh my poor moccasins... haha.









& I think I found the solution to my acne problem!



xo!

Valentine's Day... for the Singles

There is clearly a stigma when it comes to Valentine's day. If you don't have a significant other, you're a loser, nobody likes you, blah blah. What about those of us who are choosing to forgo a relationship, and instead enjoy being alone?

First off, Saint Valentine has no direct connection to the meaning of Valentine's day. Where the name of this so-called holiday comes from, nobody even knows. Although in Ancient Rome, February 13th to the 15th was what they called "Lupercalia", an archaic rite to fertility. Hmm.


Aaaaaanyway.

On the other hand of the spectrum, some would like to call Valentines Day, Single Awareness Day (or..... SAD).

If you're not sad about it {or even if you are sad about it}, enjoy the next few articles :]


-5 benefits to being single on the 'holiday'


-Oh these crazy Psychology articles. You'll get a chuckle though

-Are you Quirkyalone? Take the quiz! I got "very quirky alone!" hahaha.


A few ideas on what to do on the day?

*If you don't have kids, head out for a drink with friends. I'd personally try to avoid the movie theaters, restaurants, malls... basically everywhere except a bar hahaha. Unless you're a cheap (read: awesome) date, there probably won't be any couples there. If you do have kids, well then you have a wonderful valentine right there!

*Go get a pedicure! This works whether you're male or female, and trust, I don't get sad if I see a guy with decent feet. Besides, who doesn't like to have their feet massaged in hot water? Ummm yeah.

*Have a girls or guys day. Valentines day is apparently about love, so go hang out with the friends you love the most :]

*Eat a lot of disgusting food! This is one of my favorites. Order Chinese or a huge Pastrami sandwich, get a big bottle of wine and a shitload of chocolate. Happy Valentines Day!

*Take all the money you would spend on someone else, and spend it on yourself. Been wanting a ridiculously expensive shirt you haven't been able to justifying buying? Well, if you had a boyfriend, you'd probably be spending $200 on a shitty watch. There's your justification!

*Take a trip somewhere! Unfortunately, V Day falls on a tuesday this year, so you're gonna have to make it a pre or post trip. Anywhere remote is just perfect, the less people the better! I'm in the process of planning mine now ;]

*And, if all else fails, flip the calendar to March and call it a month. By that point the month is half over, anyway.