Maybe its a combination of being 4am and angry, but I am. I am wishing I made different choices. Who really wants to be with someone who puts them down constantly? Nothing was ever good enough. The house was never clean enough, my car was never clean enough, he hated my cats, I clearly wasn't even good enough for a compliment here and there. No, all I ever got was "wow you look good though" in the most sarcastic of voices, always when I was at my most vulnerable. I don't want to be with someone who can't even keep plans with someone "they care about so much". Oh... I forgot that having plans at noon and hearing from him at 8pm is okay. Its not like I was asking the world. If we went out to dinner, I paid for my food. I never expected anything from him; I just wanted some time. Its crazy, to be hurt by the same person (for a second time, 7 years later)- The irony has not been lost on me. Wondering why I didn't learn the first time, I now am realizing that my theory is right: the core of a person never really changes. When I get to missing him, its easier to hate him.
Edit: okay, so I was a little upset this morning. I had woken up to an email I really didn't want to see, and naturally at 4am, I needed to rant. Like I said previously, mornings are the worst... But in all seriousness, it sucks when the person you're loving shows you that it really was all a waste.
I promise I have less dramatic posts soon to be posted, but take this for what it is: a 4am rant.
Showing posts with label rant. Show all posts
Showing posts with label rant. Show all posts
15 March 2012
13 March 2012
Take It As It Comes
Mother nature must be seriously happy with New England, because the weather we've been having is so awesome! I wore shorts tonight after work. The warm air has been a nice change; it's so noticeable in the way people have been acting lately. I work in a busy office building where people are always rushing in and out, angry looking, not caring if the door hits you in the face behind them. The past two days though, I have seen SO many people smiling, and just being more aware of everyone around them. Spring has seemingly broken out in Woonsocket; I'm okay with this!
Soo I'm not going to write much, but Gabe and I are no longer. Things change, but some things never change.. I'm honestly okay. I don't feel bad. I guess when the end is knowingly imminent from the start, it makes it much easier. I've been getting used to having all this space in the bed again. Anyway, luckily for me, I have great, hilarious friends who have been doing a good job at keeping my mind off of things. :] This weekend is St. Patrick's Day weekend, and I'm Irish! Woo!
Even though the week is half over already, I'm wishing it was a weekend morning. There's nothing like waking up and sleeping in a little, remembering that really, it is the weekend and unless you made prior engagements, your day is yours to do as you wish! I try to go on adventures as much as possible, I'm always happy to end up somewhere random. This may or may not be practical, but when I'm old, I hope I have more memories of fun adventures than practical life. Just gotta take it as it comes
Listen to this while viewing the pictures below; you'll want sunday morning.
all images via Pinterest
This sunday, I am resolving to stumble out of bed early and grab a coffee and yummy breakfast in Prov. ♥
Soo I'm not going to write much, but Gabe and I are no longer. Things change, but some things never change.. I'm honestly okay. I don't feel bad. I guess when the end is knowingly imminent from the start, it makes it much easier. I've been getting used to having all this space in the bed again. Anyway, luckily for me, I have great, hilarious friends who have been doing a good job at keeping my mind off of things. :] This weekend is St. Patrick's Day weekend, and I'm Irish! Woo!
Even though the week is half over already, I'm wishing it was a weekend morning. There's nothing like waking up and sleeping in a little, remembering that really, it is the weekend and unless you made prior engagements, your day is yours to do as you wish! I try to go on adventures as much as possible, I'm always happy to end up somewhere random. This may or may not be practical, but when I'm old, I hope I have more memories of fun adventures than practical life. Just gotta take it as it comes
Listen to this while viewing the pictures below; you'll want sunday morning.
all images via Pinterest
This sunday, I am resolving to stumble out of bed early and grab a coffee and yummy breakfast in Prov. ♥
03 February 2012
random thoughts
When is enough? If you keep doing the same thing, your results will always be the same. I don't know why I can't give you up..
23 January 2012
morning thoughts.
I wish things were easier to understand. Confusion is a main state of mind lately. This weekend definitely threw me for a loop and now I'm just feeling vulnerable. But it was different this time.. I did so much laughing! Sadly.... I know better than to think anything positive. Things were said that pretty much painted the picture of how I know things are. I can't be disappointed anymore, so at least I'm prepared. Felt good to have my guard down for a while though, it was a nice change. And I was warm, every night. :]
Anyway.
Sunday, sunday. Gabe and I woke up late again, thanks in part to the beer and margarita from the previous night haha. I really need to start remembering my camera! Started the morning with errands, Hava Java coffee and cleaning the car. It has been so cold outside, but I'll take it if it means more snow. So yeah, after the car wash we did a little more running around, went to Lowe's to get some sealer stuff and visit his friend Wes. Gabe and I did laundry at the laundrymat, and got takeout to have dinner with his mom.
During the excitement of yesterday, we dug my car out of the snow bank it was under and she started up! When it snows in Rhode Island, the city puts out a parking ban so the plows can plow the streets easily. My car wasn't running, parked on the street, I had no way to move it. Well, lucky for me, my car never got towed so I didn't have to deal with that! They just plowed all the snow next to it haha.
On another note, let me just say how good it feels to have this years taxes already filed and on the way. Hello, bills paid and car fixed! I'm thinking its about time I upgrade from my Blackberry to an iPhone too, honestly I'm just jealous I can't get an instagram app ;] but I must say it's nice to be able to get the entire blogger interface to show up on my blackberry so I don't have to turn my laptop on haha.
Seeing as its not yet 7am in the morning on a monday (UGH!), and I really have nothing else to ramble on about, I'm going to end this for now. Xo!
Anyway.
Sunday, sunday. Gabe and I woke up late again, thanks in part to the beer and margarita from the previous night haha. I really need to start remembering my camera! Started the morning with errands, Hava Java coffee and cleaning the car. It has been so cold outside, but I'll take it if it means more snow. So yeah, after the car wash we did a little more running around, went to Lowe's to get some sealer stuff and visit his friend Wes. Gabe and I did laundry at the laundrymat, and got takeout to have dinner with his mom.
During the excitement of yesterday, we dug my car out of the snow bank it was under and she started up! When it snows in Rhode Island, the city puts out a parking ban so the plows can plow the streets easily. My car wasn't running, parked on the street, I had no way to move it. Well, lucky for me, my car never got towed so I didn't have to deal with that! They just plowed all the snow next to it haha.
On another note, let me just say how good it feels to have this years taxes already filed and on the way. Hello, bills paid and car fixed! I'm thinking its about time I upgrade from my Blackberry to an iPhone too, honestly I'm just jealous I can't get an instagram app ;] but I must say it's nice to be able to get the entire blogger interface to show up on my blackberry so I don't have to turn my laptop on haha.
Seeing as its not yet 7am in the morning on a monday (UGH!), and I really have nothing else to ramble on about, I'm going to end this for now. Xo!
19 December 2011
life happens.
Well, I tried to keep up with my features.... haha. I am just barely on my computer anymore. There's always one more thing that ends up coming in between blogging. By the time I sit down and get around to it, I'm too tired to go through photos or write how I'm feeling, what I've been up to. Lately, things have just been outta control.
First, I'm going to be 21 in a week! Uhhhh yeah. So wish I was turning 18 again.
Second, Juniper broke her leg a week ago. She fell out of the window again... :[ She's doing okay now, but that's not a story I really want to get into.
Third..... me, alone. Again. It's bothering me, but I'll be fine. I am fine. It's just ironic, first time letting my guard down to feel something just to be sitting here now, not wanting to feel anything at all. I guess I'm just disappointed. In myself for thinking this could be something good; in him for letting him string me along. I hung out with one of my good friends on sunday, and he told me, "Well that's your problem right there. You're not supposed to trust people." Hmph. Why had I forgotten that? I just need to keep myself occupied, and from the abundance of time I've spent lately with people I love, that won't be a problem. I always forget that I'm actually worth something, so putting myself on the back burner for someone else is no bueno. *sigh. I keep telling myself this is nothing, we weren't even really together.........
Christmas, in a week. I have been the grinch this year. My house is not decorated, no tree, nothing. I feel like one of those self-absorbed, weird moms you read about in books or something. Ari will be with C until midday Christmas, because I had her on Thanksgiving. That alone makes me sad. There's been no snow, nothing. I am just not into it this year.
I can't wait for the New Year. Out with the old, in with the new. What a perfect time for all this bullshit to happen, because once it hits midnight on the 31st, 2011 will be just another chapter in the book. That door is closing for good, and with it bad relationships, friendships and idiotic worries. I'm ready for a new chapter to start...
First, I'm going to be 21 in a week! Uhhhh yeah. So wish I was turning 18 again.
Second, Juniper broke her leg a week ago. She fell out of the window again... :[ She's doing okay now, but that's not a story I really want to get into.
Third..... me, alone. Again. It's bothering me, but I'll be fine. I am fine. It's just ironic, first time letting my guard down to feel something just to be sitting here now, not wanting to feel anything at all. I guess I'm just disappointed. In myself for thinking this could be something good; in him for letting him string me along. I hung out with one of my good friends on sunday, and he told me, "Well that's your problem right there. You're not supposed to trust people." Hmph. Why had I forgotten that? I just need to keep myself occupied, and from the abundance of time I've spent lately with people I love, that won't be a problem. I always forget that I'm actually worth something, so putting myself on the back burner for someone else is no bueno. *sigh. I keep telling myself this is nothing, we weren't even really together.........
Christmas, in a week. I have been the grinch this year. My house is not decorated, no tree, nothing. I feel like one of those self-absorbed, weird moms you read about in books or something. Ari will be with C until midday Christmas, because I had her on Thanksgiving. That alone makes me sad. There's been no snow, nothing. I am just not into it this year.
I can't wait for the New Year. Out with the old, in with the new. What a perfect time for all this bullshit to happen, because once it hits midnight on the 31st, 2011 will be just another chapter in the book. That door is closing for good, and with it bad relationships, friendships and idiotic worries. I'm ready for a new chapter to start...
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